


the sound of your breathing hits my ears (the world reappears)

by BooyahFordhamYacht



Series: you know i'll take my heart clean apart, if it helps yours beat(standrew oneshots) [4]
Category: Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)
Genre: Andrew Has Depression, Andrew Loves Steven, Angst, Depression, Kind of a Happy Ending, M/M, Severe Depression, Steven is a Softie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-30 21:54:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15760458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BooyahFordhamYacht/pseuds/BooyahFordhamYacht
Summary: Andrew wants to tell Steven that he’s the reason he has good days at all. He wants to tell Steven that he makes colors appear where once there were none, wants to tell him that he brings warmth to the empty cold.// from the tumblr prompt: Hey I’ve been reading your books for a while now and was wondering if you could write a standrew fic where Andrew has depression and Steven makes it more bearable. I really love your writing style and hope the best for you





	the sound of your breathing hits my ears (the world reappears)

Andrew can’t get out of bed today. Steven says that’s okay. Steven says he understands. Steven smiles softly, sadly, at Andrew. Steven plays with Andrew’s hair. Steven kisses Andrew’s forehead. Steven calls Andrew in sick to work. Steven puts a glass of water on the bedside table along with some toast and then Steven leaves for work. 

 

Andrew stares at the colorless wall all day. Andrew does not want to eat the toast or drink the water, but Steven wants him to. So Andrew does. Andrew eats cold toast and drinks lukewarm water and stares at the wall. 

 

When staring at the wall is too exhausting, Andrew lies down and stares at the empty, colorless pillow where he wishes Steven was. Time presses forward, as much as it appears not to be. 

 

The pillow does not change. Nothing does, for seconds, minutes, eternities. Andrew lies there, and he stares.

 

He feels cold. No, that’s not right. Numb. He feels numb. It’s like feeling cold, only more empty. The world is gray and the sun is gone.

 

His medications help. He has good days. They film and they eat and they laugh and they love and Andrew is good until he isn’t, and he knows Steven sometimes feels like he should be able to prevent Andrew from ever having bad days.

 

Steven helps. Steven doesn’t know that he helps, and sometimes he gets dismayed because he doesn’t know he’s helping, and Andrew just wishes he knew how to tell Steven that he helps. 

 

Andrew wants to tell Steven that he’s the reason he has good days at all. He wants to tell Steven that he makes colors appear where once there were none, wants to tell him that he brings warmth to the empty cold. 

 

He wishes there was a way to tell Steven that Steven’s laugh lifts the weight from his stomach like breathing for the first time.

 

Andrew wants to explain, wants Steven to understand.

 

Understand that Steven touches him and flowers bloom.

 

That Steven smiles and the sun reappears.

 

Understand that Steven kisses him and the world explodes into being.

 

But Andrew doesn’t know how to explain all of that. Andrew can’t find words to reassure Steven. He wishes he was half as good at talking as Steven is. Wishes he could describe things the way Steven does, so brilliantly and vividly. 

 

Steven talks in a way that makes Andrew see colors even when he is blind. Andrew doesn’t know how to do that. 

 

Andrew doesn’t know how to bring roses into being with words. 

 

Doesn’t know how to grow daisies with a smile. 

 

Doesn’t know how laugh sunflowers into existence. 

 

Steven does. 

 

After a moment in eternity, two or three blinks within a forever of colorless walls, Steven’s voice cuts through the noiseless audio to Andrew’s ears. He turns. Steven smiles and there’s color again. 

 

Andrew doesn’t know how to explain. He wants to.

  
Andrew says  _ I love you  _ and he thinks maybe he just did.


End file.
